Ranger's Little Helpers
by jerseygirlinoxford
Summary: The Merry Men give Santa a hand
1. Chapter 1

Ranger's Little Helpers by Jersey Girl in Oxford (Sue)

Xylia's Winter Wonderland Challenge

Ranger had worked long and hard to make Rangeman a success. When he opened to Trenton office, he was at a point in his career that he wanted to give back to the community. He would mandate community service for his employees. This Christmas would be no different.

Every year, there was a mailbox set up for Santa at City Hall. Children would place their letters to Santa in the box and get a handwritten letter from Santa mailed from the North Pole. This year, Rangeman was asked to help write the responses to the children. Stephanie picked up a box of letters that needed to be done. _**Later on, **_Ranger would gather his troops in the conference room to write the letters while providing lunch. Stephanie found Ranger in his office. "_**The plans that we've**_ _**made**_ all set, Babe?"

"Picked up the letters from the kids along with the stationary. This is going to be fun. Are you sure the guys are really into this? I mean…it's been a bad week, and everyone is a little crabby," she told him. There had been a few bad take downs, several break-ins, and dealing with all the holiday shoppers put the guys in a bad mood this week.

"This is for a good cause," Ranger explained. "_**As we go along**_, it should put them in the Christmas spirit. That…and they have no choice." Stephanie rolled her eyes.

Stephanie rounded up the Merry Men at lunch time to write the letters to the children. There were grumbles and gripes at first, but soon they were laughing. Stephanie breathed a sigh of relief as it appeared they were starting to have fun and enjoy themselves. She poked her head in to check on them. It was _**a beautiful site**_. Things seemed to be back to normal, and the mood had finally lightened in the office. "How are things going?"

"We're done, Beautiful," Lester told her with a wink.

"Yeah…you were right, Steph. This did get us in the Christmas spirit," Ram added.

"This was the most fun we've had all week," Bobby said as he handed her the box of Santa's responses for the children.

"Thanks guys. This will really mean a lot to these kids. I remember when I used to get my letter from Santa. It was so exciting!" She hurried to Ranger's office. "You were right! It did put them in the Christmas spirit. That's the first time I've heard them laughing all week. They worked so hard and got all the letters done…look!" She tipped the box over to show him all the letters.

"Babe, _**when you're in town**_, can you drop those off at City Hall?" he asked her. "I've got a meeting this afternoon." She nodded and kissed him before leaving. Stephanie dropped off the box of letters at City Hall to be mailed to the children.

A week later, Ranger got a call from Mayor Juniak. There was a problem that he wanted to discuss. Ranger agreed to stop by his office later that day. When Ranger returned to the office, he was not in a good mood. He immediately called everyone in the conference room for a meeting. The Merry Men exchanged nervous glances as they filed in the room.

"Okay. As you know, I started the community service program because I wanted to give something back. We have all been fortunate, and I think it's the right thing to do. I met with the Mayor today because he received several complaints about the letters from Santa that their children got in the mail this week." Ranger pulled a bunch of letters out of the large envelope he was holding. "Let me start with this one….

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I want is world peace and joy for everyone.

Love, Sarah

The response….

Dear Sarah,

You're tree-hugging parents smoked a lot of pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa"

There were a few snickers that were immediately silenced with Ranger's death glare.

"Here's another one…..

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your daddy is banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give up that hot piece of ass to come back to your frigid mom who nags and complains all the time. It's time to let that go. Why don't you let me send you some Legos instead?

Santa

And this one…

Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please, Please, Please, Please, PLEASE, PLEASE can I have one?

Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your parents, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a fucking sweater again.

Santa"

Ranger paused to look at the bowed heads before him. They had no idea what punishment they were going to face.

"This one really took the cake….

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Love,

Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China with lead based paint. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time drinking and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitress while losing money at the craps table. When I'm not doing that, I'm making low-budget porno films. Thanks for asking.

Santa

I'm sure that last one was yours, Santos." Ranger threw the letters down on the conference table, and they scattered about. "What the hell were you thinking? Do you know how much you've embarrassed me? Stephanie? Rangeman?" They guys were starting to feel guilty.

"Sorry, Boss," Hal muttered.

"So…I guess we'll have to meet you in the gym…right?" There were groans and grimaces around the table. They screwed up, and Ranger was going to make them pay.

"Lucky for you…that's not what your punishment is going to be," Ranger told them. There were sighs of relief and smiles. "Oh…it's not going to be that easy. Stephanie's going to decide what you will be doing." With that as her cue, Stephanie entered the room. She was furious when Ranger told her what happened. They all looked at her nervously.

"Okay, this was supposed to be about giving and community service. I think you need to be given another chance to help the community so I've arranged for you to serve lunch at the Senior Citizen's home." The Merry Men cheered. They all knew they dodged a bullet. This was going to be a hell of a lot easier than being called out on the mat by Ranger. "You will be serving Grandma Mazur and her friends on Saturday." The merriment died down. Dealing with Grandma Mazur struck fear in the hearts of the Merry Men. "And I picked up your uniforms."

"Uh….uniforms?" Bobby asked with eyes wide. Stephanie picked up a box from the hall.

"Yeah…uniforms." She began to toss each of the Merry Men a red Speedo. The men visibly paled. Before anyone could make a comment or protest, Ranger stood up.

"Does anyone have any problems?" he asked in a stern tone. They were too stunned to speak but all shook their head no. "Dismissed. And if this ever happens again, you will all be looking for other jobs." They glumly filed out of the room, shoulders slumped and heads down. Stephanie shut the door behind them before they burst out laughing.

"Oh my God, Ranger! Did you see their faces?" she laughed.

"It was a stupid thing to do, but some of those letters were hysterical," Ranger conceded. "Even the Mayor had to laugh." He pulled Stephanie to him and kissed her. "So what did your Grandmother say about the waiters she'll have for her holiday luncheon?"

"_**Ain't it thrilling**_!" she told him. They both laughed.

Word count 1344


	2. Chapter 2

Ranger's Little Helpers- Part 2-by Jersey Girl in Oxford (Sue)

Amy's Christmas Carol Challenge

There was a knock on the conference door. Ranger and Stephanie took a few seconds to compose themselves before they could open it. Lester poked his head in the door.

"Problem Santos?" Ranger asked him sternly. Lester looked sheepish.

"Uh…no. Well….um…yeah," he stammered. He held up the red Speedo. "I think you gave me the wrong size. This is a small." He let out a nervous laugh. "I mean…look at me?" He gestured to his pelvic area. "Do I look like a small to you?" Stephanie looked over at Ranger and rolled her eyes. She grabbed the Speedo from his hands and held it up.

"Gee, Les. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a small," she began as she dug around in the box of Speedos. She pulled out another and handed it to him. "I meant to give you an _extra_-small." Ranger smirked as Lester's jaw dropped.

"Any other problems, Santos?" Ranger straightened up and crossed his arms. "If those are a problem, I think I saw a thong in there." Lester visibly blanched. He shook his head no and turned to leave.

"Fuck me," he mumbled under his breath as he left. Stephanie closed the door behind him. She got the 200 watt grin from Ranger.

"Remind me not to piss you off," he told her as he took her in his arms.

The Merry Men showed up to the Senior Citizen Center the Saturday before Christmas as ordered. They met Stephanie and Ranger in the kitchen to get everything set up. Ranger fought very hard to keep a straight face. The Men were clad in their red Speedos and black boots. The Speedos didn't leave much for the imagination. Ranger hoped the Center had an automatic defibrillator somewhere on the premises just in case one of the ladies had a heart attack. Lester kept having to adjust himself by tucking certain parts back into the extra small Speedo.

"Okay, I know this is punishment. We get what we did was wrong. Joke's over. This can't possibly be the only thing you're making us wear," Lester spoke up. He prayed the thong wasn't next, but this was way too embarrassing. Stephanie giggled.

"Of course not, Silly. Like we would have you wearing _only_ Speedos in front of these ladies for their Christmas lunch!" She pulled out another box. "We have Santa hats too!" The men groaned. She handed each one a hat. "Go ahead…..put them on." They were going to gripe and protest but with one look from Ranger thought better of it. The hats went on without further comment.

"If you guys screw this up, too, the punishment will be even worse," Ranger warned. The caterers arrived and gave the Merry Men their instructions.

Christmas music was playing in the background. The hall was decorated with a large Christmas tree, wreaths, candles, and Christmas lights. The ladies cheered when the men entered the room.

"Great job, Edna!" one lady yelled across the room. "I think this one's got an implant!" Ram turned as red as his Speedo.

"No Ma'am," he told her indignantly, "that's _all_ me." This piqued the ladies' interest.

"Prove it," another woman sitting at Ram's table insisted. Ram set down his tray and was about to defend his manhood when he caught Ranger staring at him.

"Uh….you're just going to have to take my work for it," he mumbled as he picked his tray up. There were a chorus of 'boos'. Ranger just shook his head.

There was a loud crash and everyone turned to see Hal running to the kitchen. Ranger and Stephanie went to check on Hal. He was pulling something out of his Speedo as they walked in. "Report!" Ranger barked. Hal held up a $20 bill.

"Some old lady put this in my pants! _Jesus!_ I've never been felt up by someone as old as my grandmother!" Hal was starting to hyperventilate. Stephanie handed him a paper bag and tried to help him calm down.

Lester was serving his table. A sweet looking old lady had been staring at his crotch for the last few minutes. "That's some weird looking tumor you have there." Lester looked down. His left testicle was hanging out of the Speedo.

"Shit," he muttered. "Damn size extra small." He turned and adjusted himself. He swore he would never write another letter from Santa again.

Woody was serving Grandma Mazur's table. The ladies cheered and whistled as he served their lunch. "What an impressive package you have there, Young Man," Grandma Mazur told him with a wink.

"What's your name, Son?" another lady asked him.

"It's Woody." They looked at each other and snickered. Woody was beginning to hate Christmas.

"Come here, Woody," Grandma Mazur instructed as she crooked her finger at him. He walked around to her and she stuck on bow on the bulge in his pants. "There….every impressive package deserves a bow!" The ladies screamed with laughter. "Merry Christmas, Woody!"

"Yeah….**Bah! Humbug**!" he mumbled as he snuck back to the kitchen.

The luncheon was totally humiliating for the Merry Men. After the dessert was served, Lester stepped into the vestibule to adjust himself for what seemed like the millionth time that afternoon. He was startled by a voice behind him. He turned to see the lady who asked him about the tumor sitting on the bench by the window. "Excuse me?"

"I said…you remind me of my grandson." She paused and smiled at the recollection. "He was always doing crazy things like this. Oh…could he make us laugh! **There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humor**." Lester grinned.

"Well…we kind of got roped into doing this," he explained. "Where is your grandson now?" Her smiled slipped from her face.

"He was killed on Christmas day in 1970. Vietnam." She looked at Lester and smiled again. "He was a handsome young man…just like you. I like to honor his memory every time I laugh. Thank you for today, Young Man." All the anger Lester felt about the humiliation he suffered today was gone. He sat down next to her and gave her a hug.

There was one lady at Bobby's table that had been pinching his behind all afternoon. Finally, he was going to say something rude when he noticed her wedding ring. He held back the rude comment and said, "I bet your husband wouldn't be too happy with you grabbing another man!" She gave him a little smile.

"If he was still alive…you'd probably be right. Sorry. I couldn't help myself. My husband had the same firm apple of a hiney that you have," she told him. Bobby opened and closed his mouth like a fish. Sensing he was nervous, she continued. "It's okay, Sonny. Bobby died a long time ago. He was killed at Pearl Harbor on the Arizona." His jaw dropped. "I'd never thought I'd get my hands on another bottom as beautiful as his."

Bobby didn't know what to say. He just saw this group as a bunch of horny old ladies. Now…he looked at them in a different light. He had only been thinking about himself….again. This _was_ community service. It was supposed to be about others and giving something back. He finally got it. He leaned over and kissed the woman on the cheek. "Merry Christmas."

The luncheon was over and everything was cleaned up before they left. Grandma Mazur thanked Stephanie and Ranger for their help. "This was the best Christmas lunch the ladies ever had!"

During the week, each of the Merry Men had stopped by Stephanie's cubicle to thank her for making them work the lunch. Stephanie knew a lot of those women either had husbands or other family members that had served in the Armed Forces. It was nice to see that they finally understood what Ranger was trying to do when he wanted to give something back. "**God bless** **us….everyone**!" she said to herself and got back to work.

**Christmas Day- **_**several different places in Trenton**_

"Mommy! Daddy! Look!" Timmy excitedly told his parents. They were sitting at the kitchen table Christmas morning drinking their coffee. They turned to see Timmy holding a little beagle puppy dressed in a read sweater. "Look what Santa gave me!"

Teddy's mother opened the door to see her husband standing there. He had a black eye and a fat lip. "I'm sorry about everything. We'll get a new babysitter. I promise to try to work things out. I think we should get back together. It's what Teddy wants," he begged.

"What happened to you?" she cried out.

"A couple men dressed in black made me see the error of my ways. Oh…and they gave me some Legos for Teddy."

"Mom….come here! You've got to see this cool video!"

"What video Thomas?" She walked into the living room to see what her son was watching. She hadn't gotten him any videos for Christmas this year.

"It's a video from Santa. He apologized for the letter he sent me. He said it was his alcoholic brother who escaped from Rehab that wrote all those lies. This is a video of his work shop. Look at all those elves making the toys. Santa totally rocks!"

"Mom…Dad! Come quick!" Sarah frantically yelled to her parents.

"What is it, Honey?" her father asked. She pointed to the front lawn.

"There's a man chained to the oak tree out front. He looks a lot like Osama bin Laden!"

Special thanks to Brianne…your comment about the Santa hats spawned the idea for Part 2…..thanks!


End file.
